Here I sit, 40 years old with $750 in savings and $20k in debt. And my life is miserable.
The ex and I got divorced 2 years ago and I had to sell the house and hand over all the profits from the sale, plus half my 401k and will be paying alimony for another 2 years.
My life is miserable for the most part. I have a dull corporate job that used to be enjoyable but now that I’m managing people and projects it’s just one obstacle after another. Sure I have my wins and I’m on a solid career track for getting the job done, but every day is just another hassle.
The wife and I couldn’t conceive so I’m childless, living alone in apartment downtown. The city around me is teaming with energy and people going out having fun, but I’m on my own.
I calculated that I’ve made 1.1 million over the past 20 years, but I have nothing but a woefully underfunded 401k.
My luck with women is horrible. Despite being an intelligent guy who makes decent money, they can see right through my facade and I rarely get past the first date. Occasionally I do get lucky but it never goes anywhere. I have to maintain a strict masculine composure which the women do love, but once I let my true self show it’s adios amigo.
I lift regularly and can bench and squat my own weight and get regular compliments on my slim but semi muscular physique, but one look at my face shows I’m tired. I haven’t slept well regularly for 3 years and it shows. You can just see the hopelessness in my dull and tired eyes.
I should be proud of my career, and I am to a certain extent. I’ve made it farther than I ever really expected. Mostly through hard work and grit, but also due to my higher than average IQ. At the end of the day all my projects wrap up and then I realize once again it’s just building sand castles by the shore. The tide rolls in and it’s back to work again on the next gig.
I don’t have any hobbies beyond lifting and poker. Nothing. I just do those things over and over.
I have no mission or purpose. I just show up, get shit done and then go home. I’m a highly functioning person with life long low level depression.
What can I do guys? Any advice or ideas? I gotta switch shit up soon.