T Nation

3 some Frustration

This story is a bit long but if nothing else it is entertaining. My girlfriend of 5 years is an exotic dancer/waitress in a strip club. She does not dance as much anymore because it was just getting to be a little too much for me. Strippers, at least in Boston, are somewhat hard to find and they will put just about anyone on stage. Yet, my girlfriend is a legit dancer - very very nice body, very athelitic, pretty face. Saturday night she left for work at about 7:00 PM. At about 7:40 I get a call from one of the other dancers asking me if she is coming in. I say, “oh, she’s not there yet?” and the girl said “no”. Its a 20 minute ride to work so now I think she is out screwing around on me. I call her cell and no answer. I jump in my car and head for the club. I go around the block where she works and see her car parked outside the club. So I call her again, and ask her where she is? I can hear music playing and it sounds like she is at the club. She asks me in. The whole thing was a mistake, she was at work, the other girl didn’t see her. So I go in and have a drink (I almost never go to this club). She is introducing me to her friends, and one of the, upon seeing me starts flipping out, “Oh my god, he is sooo beautiful, I can’t believe it,” and she is jumping around saying this over and over. And the girl is hot. My girlfriend makes a joke about her trying to steal me from under her nose but she takes it well. I see the girl dance and I like what I see. She is a gymnast, very athelitic, tight. After about a 1/2 hr I leave.

2 weeks before this I asked my girl if she would, as a gift to me, put a 3 some together. She could have been offended but wasn’t and said she would try.

I’m driving home and thinking, man, I wish she would do the math and get this girl in our bedroom. And I go home and I am thinking about this over and over. about 2 hrs later my girl calls and asks me if I want to take her and the girl away for skiing/a 3 some. I’m not sure if she is testing me but I ultimately say yes definately and I will pay for everything with a big smile on my face. She brings the girl home that night but tells me we will not sleep together or do anything until we are away. She told me not to do anything with her alone or behind her back and I say I wouldn’t do something like that after she was so good to do this for me. I am sure she gave the girl the same speach or worse.

We get to the hotel/resort. I go skiing and they stay at the room (they don’t ski). I come back and my girl is dead asleep (she was up the whole night before). I tried to wake her up but she was really out. Me and the girl go to the pool and swim. We did nothing sexual. She said I had an awesome body (I am a T man) but that was about it. We get back to the room and my girl is up and she flips that we were out together. Yet, we assure her nothing happened and she is OK after about an hour. After this the girl is acting more and more distant to me. I ask my girlfriend what is going on and she asks the girl (discretely), and she says everything is fine and a GO for tonight. We go out to dinner and there is another arguement between the girl and my girlfriend. Things appear to be falling apart. We go back to the hotel and now the girl seems more interested in my girlfriend than in me. When crunch time comes she does not come thru. I was really pissed. I know you girls are going to think I am a jerk for setting this whole thing up but you guys understand all too well what something like this means to a guy, especially I guy who is starting to get a little on the old side. I was walking on air one minute and livid the next. I really was pissed because I did not have the experience. It would have been something I could remember when I reflected back on my life. I had one other 3 some and that went off but someone, it seems, is always offended that they are being left out.

I don’t get it. The girl seemed real attracted to both of us and seemed to start having second thoughts as the time drew near. I was really pissed (I spent a good deal of $$$ and missed a day of work) but I am over it. What do you think went wrong?

I was pretty much hating you (envy) until the end of the story where it didn’t actually go off. I think you’re girlfriend and her girlfriend found a chump to pay for a ski weekend for the two of them.

If you value your relationship, it’s probably good that things didn’t go off as planned. It takes a very secure person to be cool with their mate pumping someone else. Might be fun while it’s happening, but the next day, and the days after that can be a different story. Consider yourself lucky. If you’re really bent on being serviced by multiple girls, make sure one isn’t your girlfriend.

This is what went wrong: planning. Too much planning. The first time something sexual happens between three people, it should be fairly spontaneous.

Generally, it will have been discussed a few times, but when you actually make a whole big paln for it to happen, people tend to get cold feet or start thinking too much about what could happen.
If you discuss it a few times, and it seems a like a go, the next time the three of you are together try to initiate, but in a casual way.

My favorite way of doing this is using the line “I’m bored. I know, let’s all get naked and touch each other!” If said in a joking manner, you’ll be able to get an honest reaction. If they go for it, you’re golden. If not, you were just kidding.

After it happens (if it happens) one or two times, you can start to plan. This is assuming your girlfriend doesn’t flip out in the aftermath.

Hope this helps =)

One thing I notice on dancers/exotic strippers, they are all wacky… dated a few of them and I can say they are not all there… Probably not your fault and they were probably using you.

Basicly you got Played. When you thought you were the PLAYER :0)!

As far as getting “played” My girlfriend would never do that to me - she has no reason to. I give her just about anything she wants. I don’t think the other girl “played” me either. I can admit there came a point when I felt she was not attracted but in the begining she definately was. When they came home it was ~ 2:30 AM and I was in bed. She came in my room alone and did a handstand (clothed) and was telling me how she could move her pussy lips while doing it. I am man enough to admit there came a point where she didn’t seem at all interested in me. But there were other times when her intrested seemed intense and sincere.

John Roman, I tended to come to the same conclusion as you. I should have just said now or never when they came home. My girlfriend is very, very cool. She has been a dancer for a long time and, and she is very well grounded about her sexuality. Yet, whatever she told me about “I don’t want you being all kissy face” I’m sure should was more explicit with the girl, something like fuck him behind my back and there will be hell to pay. As time went on I think the girl started to get cold feet. She started talking about her boyfriend, who in the begining I did not even no existed. The blow out when we came back from the pool didn’t help.

I am not going to push it by asking my girlfriend to get another girl. If it does happen again I will definately make sure it is spontaneous.

Thanks for your comments.

“I give her just about anything she wants!”

She’s a dancer and if she looks as good as you say she does she should be making a lot of money I say any where from $500-$1000 a night. So why the hell are you buying everything for her? Are sure she’s not playing you?

A lot of dancer I went out with are all wacky. Whether, they are high on drugs or just plain out there. Never again will I date another dancer. I learned my lesson.

Just remember they take their clothes of for a living a normal indvidual does not do that.

I agree with mamann. You should consider yourself lucky. If you want a threesome just do it with women you don’t care about. Otherwise things can go wrong.

Was going to post about the over-planning thing but JR beat me to it. Oh well. What he said.

If I were you and I wanted a 3-some, I think I’d just go out and rent two very high-priced bisexual call-girls. That way you’re sure of getting the goods, you won’t have to worry about your GF’s reaction “afterwards” - and you’ll probably end up saving money!

Thanks again to all.

Fitone, in Mass. anyway, there is no contact and, at least right now, dancers do not average $500-$1000 a shift. When the ecomony was red hot they did well but things have slowed down considerably. As far as $1000 nights, I remeber my girl having about 3 of them since I have known her. And she is a money maker. I will admit, as she would as wll, that there are younger and prettyer dancers out there. But some of those girls just don’t know how to make money - they are afraid to make eye contact or talk to customers - I’m sure you know what I mean if you are familiar with that scene. As far as her playing me, I make alot more than she does. She is my girl and that is just part of life. I guys earning potential definately means something to a girl when the same is not true vice versa. Its a biological fact, at least in the sense of a soft science like sociology, attractive girls are attracted to wealthy guys because their offspring stand a better chance of survival.

As far as them being wacky, I can easily see that. I don’t know if is dancing that makes them that way or if pretty, fit, wacky girls gravitate to dancing. I really do not feel like I was “played”. I got to ski anyway and would have had to get a room. The extra few dollars I paid really means nothing to me.

The 2nd day skiing we had to check out by 11:00 so I went back to the mountain and they hung out in the lodge at the base. When I came back there was a mob of guys surrounding them. I went off and they backed off. Walking out of there with the two of them was worth the extra money I spent, even in spite of the aggravation of not pulling off the 3 some.

I think they were doing each other while you were skiing.

Brider, Char-dawg and John Roman hit it on the head.

Question: Why don’t you go get the girl for your threesome? Just pick up a chickie and bring her home…

Dude, I hate to burst your bubble but it really sounds like you have been “played”.

“I spent a good deal of $$$ and missed a day of work” and “I give her just about anything she wants” sounds to me that she might be using you for your money. Many dancers are lesbians and brider might be right even if he was just joking.

AZ It crossed my mind that I was played. But, in the overall scheme of things the money I spent did not mean much at all. I went skiing, I paid an extra $30 for a bigger room. My girlfriend paid for dinner. If I lost $500 or more than I would think I was played but I piss away $30 in my sleep. And again, my girlfreind would not do that to me. I give her what she wants. I can afford to. That is what guys do - from the caveman days. If you don’t understand that wake up. She gave me $120 in a card for valentines day. Do you think she needs to lay out a plan invloving a girl she hardly talks to to chisel a lously $30 from me? And when did they put this plan together? In the five minutes before I went inside the club? No, it was either overplanned or the girl ended up not liking me. My girl; is not into girls in a big way. She will let a girl eat her but she won’t do the same. Bottom line you can think what you want. I just have too many reasons to think that you are wrong. I was really piised when it fell thru but I am over it.

I spoke to the girl on the phone 3 days after it happened. She said she was really sorry and that she wasn’t mature enough to pull it off (she is 21). Anyway, I was dissapointed but I am over it. If you want to be hell bent on my being played knock yourself out.