New to posting on T nation but I fucking love this place so many nuggets of wisdom here. I’m gonna pick some brains if possible about a big life decision I’ve been considering as of late and I want to consult with as many people as possible first. Around a year and a half ago I was in a deep depression and was losing bad to drug addiction. I got kicked out of school, my parents house and got fired from my job all within about a month’s span. Basically I hit rock bottom and needed something to pull me back up or else suicide was looking like a real option because I just had nothing to live for anymore. I was banging a super hot girl at the time and one day she said she wanted to stop fucking because “she’s only real attracted to big guys” and that really pissed me the fuck off because I was always known for having a nice body(got nominated for most attractive superlative and I promise it’s not my face) and even earned the nickname “pecs” in high school because as a 6’2" lean 185 pound swimmer I didn’t look shabby. However I lost this pride I had to drugs and that’s when it clicked that the reason I was so fucking depressed was I grew up with athletics as the centerpiece to my life and when I lost that love I lost all my balance. Since age 13ish I’ve had a very strangely intense urge(almost like an inner calling) to powerlift. I hit the gym hard and at first my lifts were god awful… at 160 pounds I couldn’t squat 200 bench 100 or deadlift 300. Literally an under 600 total. My shit was so fucked up from so much drug abuse that I was unbelievably weak. However I was willing to grind and bleed a little to make it happen and I consider myself good at technique sports since I obsess over perfecting efficiency and it always works in my favor(for example in high school I swam multiple 21 second short course 50s if that means anything to y’all and actually had a stroke almost twice as slow as the guys in my heats… I was just incredibly efficient) so I would say I excelled quickly. That was a year and a half ago and my gym total now is 495 squat, 310 bench and 590 deadlift at 230 pounds at 20% (at one point I got up to 243 at 24%). 1395 is a big jump up from 600 hahaha and I’m damn proud of it considering I never started lifting until last year. I’m doing my first meet in November and decided to check the state record and learned if I could just bring my gym total to the platform I would break the 220 junior record by almost 150 pounds. I know powerlifting is a small sport so it’s hardly even an accomplishment but it’s huge for me considering I only broke 1 swim record after 9 consistent years of training hard so I can tell my grind is paying off. I love this shit and wanna push it all the way to the top. I have a lot of support from people I really trust and strongly believe it’s my life’s calling to lift heavy heavy ass weights… I love it too much and it is literally holding my life together and giving it meaning. Now, all of this is just to say I know what I’m about to suggest wouldn’t traditionally be recommended for a guy my age but I feel like my life situation is much different than most. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone thinks they are a special snowflake. I have the unconditional love and support of almost all my friends and family when it comes to my endeavors but I want opinions of people that don’t know me personally. I think I have a serious future in this sport and have up until this point had a gut feeling to not run gear but for some reason recently that feeling has gone away. I haven’t run any juice yet but want to run it in the most efficient way possible starting next year. My research has lead me to believe that the best cycle for my goals(eventually a world record total and deadlift) would be to run low dose test and stay anywhere from 1200-1500 to avoid almost all sides. Running cycles is the only thing I’ve ever seen recommended or discussed for a guy my age but the problem is I’m already good at gaining strength fast and am worried about injuring myself while blasting test because I push myself too hard as is. I’ve read young lifters can get injured bad doing crazy cycles because you don’t have consistent biofeedback to base power output off of. Constantly fluctuating strength levels are something I don’t want because it’s just another variable to account for and a very important one at that… I can’t train the way I train with strength going up and down. I would rather just run constant low dose if possible for consistent and safe gains. I’m very serious about doing this the right way and my parents are going to help my get my shit because they don’t want me going through the black market and risking my health. However, I’m a complete steroid virgin and have a few questions.
- do y’all think I’m personally ready to run gear like this?
- should I be running anything else alongside test if so? (I’m looking for the greatest amount of return on the smallest dose possible. Anadrol sounds way too tempting for me though… ).
- will I still be able to have kids after years of running gear like this? I’m honestly not planning on it but I’m still young and would rather keep that option open if possible.
Sorry for the incredibly long winded post, I’ve just been contemplating this decision for a while now and want to get good feedback regarding this matter as it’s a big decision I feel like. Also I felt it necessary to show how important powerlifting is to my life so I don’t 100% get the typical “wait till late 20s” response because I don’t think life is that black and white. I’ve weighed out the pros and cons and the pros tip the scale hard. However, I just want to double check and make sure I’m not delusional. Any input/life experience in this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys!!