T Nation

21 Questions for a Vixen

Loosely based (ahem, it’s a mirror image) on 50 Cent’s “21 Questions.” Go fucking find the song if you haven’t heard or committed it to memory.

Every T-Man wants to know:

If my squat fell off tomorrow would you still love me?

If I didn’t deadlift so much would you still hug me?

If I got sentenced to a yearly membership at Bally’s could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?

If I went back to a Smith Machine from a power rack would you …poof… and disappear like some of my friends?

If my shoulder was impinged would you be by my side?

If I wanted to flip tires would you be down to ride?

If I didn’t power clean because I did concentration curls would you be ashamed to tell your friends you’re feeling me?

In the gym, if I used chalk would you like that?

If I bought you Surge would you buy back?


Girl, would you love me if I was down and out?

Would you still have love for me?


Now would you leave me if your father found out I was juicing?

Do you believe me when I tell you your glutes are the ones I’m loving?

Are you mad because I’m axing (note that I’m preserving lyrical integrity) you 21 questions?

Are you a powerlifter because, if so, girl, you’re a blessing.

Do you trust me enough to tell me your arm girth?

If I was down about my PR’s would you say things to make me smile?

If I was eating Krispy Kreme and someone happened to see, and when you axed me about I said it wasn’t me, would you believe me or up and leave me?

How deep is our bond if that’s all it takes for you to be gone?

Could you love me in a size 32?

Could you love me in a 40?

haha. Get the fuck outta here, dude.


Can I call you 34 cent?



That’s quality, bro, quality. I’m turning on 50 and Nate right now.


Bro, you do need to find someway to get in my favorite line of the rhyme:

I love you like a fat kid love cake

To the tune of Candle in the Wind

Goodbye CMC
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to clean and jerk
While those around you curled
They laughed at your power snatch
And they talked all the while you strained
They made you work out on the Smith machine
And they made you eat Krispy Kreme

And it seems to me you lived your life
Eating tuna from a tin
Never allowing curling in the power rack
Even when someone asked to set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your grip burned out long before
Your lats ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest weight you ever hoisted
T-Mag created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even on your active rest day
Oh the trainers still hounded you
All they had to say
Was “look, he’s doing his ab training in the nude.”

Goodbye CMC
From the retard doing kickbacks on the deadlift platform
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just their weightlifting hoe

T-Rock: So true, dude. I didn’t quite know how to work that in there.

Man, you’ve either got a lot of time on your hands or you are pretty creative. Pretty funny though.

JasonL: It must be the former because I’m a moron.