Loosely based (ahem, it’s a mirror image) on 50 Cent’s “21 Questions.” Go fucking find the song if you haven’t heard or committed it to memory.
Every T-Man wants to know:
If my squat fell off tomorrow would you still love me?
If I didn’t deadlift so much would you still hug me?
If I got sentenced to a yearly membership at Bally’s could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?
If I went back to a Smith Machine from a power rack would you …poof… and disappear like some of my friends?
If my shoulder was impinged would you be by my side?
If I wanted to flip tires would you be down to ride?
If I didn’t power clean because I did concentration curls would you be ashamed to tell your friends you’re feeling me?
In the gym, if I used chalk would you like that?
If I bought you Surge would you buy back?
Girl, would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Now would you leave me if your father found out I was juicing?
Do you believe me when I tell you your glutes are the ones I’m loving?
Are you mad because I’m axing (note that I’m preserving lyrical integrity) you 21 questions?
Are you a powerlifter because, if so, girl, you’re a blessing.
Do you trust me enough to tell me your arm girth?
If I was down about my PR’s would you say things to make me smile?
If I was eating Krispy Kreme and someone happened to see, and when you axed me about I said it wasn’t me, would you believe me or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that’s all it takes for you to be gone?
Could you love me in a size 32?
Could you love me in a 40?