T Nation

20 Things I've Learnt

20 Things That Took Me 50 Years to Learn
by Dave Barry

  1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

  3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

  6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

  7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

  8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

  9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

  10. Never lick a steak knife.

  11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

  12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

  13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

  14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

  15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

  16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

  17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

  18. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

  19. Your friends and family love you anyway.

  20. Never buy wallpaper if you have just smoked marijuana.

[quote]Miserere wrote:
18. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
[/quote]

So very, very true.

[quote]Miserere wrote:
20 Things That Took Me 50 Years to Learn
by Dave Barry

  1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

[/quote]

I didn’t even need to read the rest. Number one caused my co-workers to look at me because of the snort that came out! It’s a good thing my co-workers already know i’m nuts!

And as far as 14 is concerned, truer words have never been spoken.

Actually, #20 had me laughing our loud :smiley: I was imagining the scene at home, if my wife got back from a weekend away to find I had changed all the wallpaper…while high. Ha ha ha!

OK, so what other important lessons have the people on T-Nation learnt in life?

Mine would be: Never try to get out of a moving car when the open door is approaching a street sign.

Actually, #20 had me laughing our loud :smiley: I was imagining the scene at home, if my wife got back from a weekend away to find I had changed all the wallpaper…while high. Ha ha ha!

OK, so what other important lessons have the people on T-Nation learnt in life?

Mine would be: Never try to get out of a moving car when the open door is approaching a street sign.

every single one of these is brilliant.

[quote]Miserere wrote:
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
[/quote]

This is by far one of my favorite things to do.

  1. never confuse the terms leeward and windward when aiming bodily functions.

  2. more often than not, there is an easier way, it just takes a lot more work to figure it out.

  3. never pet a burning dog

  4. furniture is always much easier to get into a room than out. There is no scientific explanation for this, other than inertia.

  5. There is an exception to every rule, except this one.

  6. These are not the life lessons you’re looking for (waves hand jedi fashion)

You had me at “laxative”!

Brilliant…