T Nation

18 Y/O With Performance Anxiety


#1

Hey guys

Im and 18 year old guy, and i have been having a problem with my girl, every time things heat up while making out and we begin to get touchy I loose my erection. I have had this happen in the past with another girl. I am a healthy guy, i work out regularly, eat well, sleep 7-8 hours per night, play sports, hang out with friends. I have a good quality of life as i am not depressed or have nothing wrong with me. I also don't take any steroids or anything like that, if that is even relevant. I stopped watching porn a month ago, I only masturbate once a week. I never wake up with morning wood either. Im also a nervous type of guy, i over think things.

So I am not sure if it is in my head or if i have low T levels. Please help me out!


#2

have you tried thumbing it in?


#3

Dude you will probably think I am trolling you but i am being completely sincere. I had the exact same problems as you. I simply quit watching porn and wanking. I started getting raging hard-ons again like when I was 14.
Go on nofap on reddit. Hope this helps.


#4

So you are able to get hard initially, but deflate once it’s time to commit to the act? If I am reading that correctly, then, as an 18 year old, T isn’t your problem. The problem likely is that your brain is working too hard and diverting blood from where it needs to go.

If you have trouble achieving an erection suitable for penetrative sex at any point, if you do not get spontaneous erections throughout the day, or if erection quality is insufficient even through masturbation, then you have more than performance anxiety going on. Not necessarily testosterone-related, but issues nonetheless.

Relax, have a beer to loosen up, focus on her and the sensations to get out of your head, etc, etc… but, honestly, if you are desperate you should go see your doc and just shoot it straight. He will likely be amenable to prescribing a couple of Viagra, just to help you get that first nut out of your system. Maybe not the BEST idea, as you’ll still need to get laid without it after a few pills, but you’ve got nothing to lose, really.

And good call on laying off the porn. Definitely keep that up.


#5

I think this is a tuff one over the internet because there could be a few different angles going on and it’s impossible to know which is pertinent. I’ll throw a few ideas out there though.

Short term I think you should just have sex with her and not worry about if you get it up or not. Go down, do other things, if you get it up go in for the kill, if not no worries.

Long term see a doctor. Maybe you have low test. I have a hard time believing a healthy 18 year old would have low test but the lack of morning wood is a red flag. Another possibility is you may have something going on under the radar. I’m convinced I contracted Epstein Bar or something like that around ten years ago and never knew it (until later when I read something someone posted on here and it all made sense). I was superman, suddenly turned into dweeb and was dweeb for several years and now, what do ya know, I’m back to being superman. It wasn’t so much sexual for me during that time. I could always get it up during that time but I did notice a difference in the strength of erections. For me it was over all physical. I Lost strength, energy, athleticism, ability to keep on weight, etc.

If it’s mental for you you want to beat this ASAP. You don’t want this to become some kind of all consuming problem. You want it to be a little speed bump that you got past. Figure out a way to get over it on your own now and save yourself the trouble (and the therapy) later. This maybe a bad analogy but when I was 15-17 I started to choke throws in baseball. When I was 18 I got pissed about it, said to myself enough is enough and while I’ve made bad throws since, not one was because I choked them. I think choking is easier to get past when your young. I can’t think of any Major League baseball players who ever successfully beat the choked throws curse. Maybe because they were all older.

Another possibility could be you are over-training (PX just destroyed another laptop - sorry PX). If you are hitting the gym for two hours a day and filling each session up with max effort sets you are probably doing too much.


#6

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:
Dude you will probably think I am trolling you but i am being completely sincere. I had the exact same problems as you. I simply quit watching porn and wanking. I started getting raging hard-ons again like when I was 14.
Go on nofap on reddit. Hope this helps.[/quote]

Hey man, Yeah I will lay off of that, Ill check out that reddit page.

Thanks.


#7

[quote]on edge wrote:
I think this is a tuff one over the internet because there could be a few different angles going on and it’s impossible to know which is pertinent. I’ll throw a few ideas out there though.

Short term I think you should just have sex with her and not worry about if you get it up or not. Go down, do other things, if you get it up go in for the kill, if not no worries.

I will give that a shot.

Long term see a doctor. Maybe you have low test. I have a hard time believing a healthy 18 year old would have low test but the lack of morning wood is a red flag. Another possibility is you may have something going on under the radar. I’m convinced I contracted Epstein Bar or something like that around ten years ago and never knew it (until later when I read something someone posted on here and it all made sense). I was superman, suddenly turned into dweeb and was dweeb for several years and now, what do ya know, I’m back to being superman. It wasn’t so much sexual for me during that time. I could always get it up during that time but I did notice a difference in the strength of erections. For me it was over all physical. I Lost strength, energy, athleticism, ability to keep on weight, etc.

I think I might have low T, I honestly rarely get erections, I have no real desire to engage in sex, I’m going to see doc.

If it’s mental for you you want to beat this ASAP. You don’t want this to become some kind of all consuming problem. You want it to be a little speed bump that you got past. Figure out a way to get over it on your own now and save yourself the trouble (and the therapy) later. This maybe a bad analogy but when I was 15-17 I started to choke throws in baseball. When I was 18 I got pissed about it, said to myself enough is enough and while I’ve made bad throws since, not one was because I choked them. I think choking is easier to get past when your young. I can’t think of any Major League baseball players who ever successfully beat the choked throws curse. Maybe because they were all older.

Could just be performance anxiety?

Another possibility could be you are over-training (PX just destroyed another laptop - sorry PX). If you are hitting the gym for two hours a day and filling each session up with max effort sets you are probably doing too much.[/quote]

I will ease up in the gym for a few weeks


#8

Have you tried hitting her?


#9

I experienced similar problems with my first serious g/f when I was 19 or so. We’d make out, get naked, and just prior to penetration, I’d lose my erection. It’s most likely just general anxiety…it was for me, anyway.

I knew I was fine, physically…fapped all the time, so I knew all the plumbing worked. Just couldn’t do it in front of her for some reason.

Anyway…we were fooling around one day and she gave me a handjob…kept going til i finished. I was fine after that. I think it was a matter of busting a nut in front of another human being (a real, live girl!!) that was causing me to be so anxious.

I never had a problem after that. We did the full deed later that same night. Perhaps the same will work for you. Good luck.


#10

[quote]mapwhap wrote:
I experienced similar problems with my first serious g/f when I was 19 or so. We’d make out, get naked, and just prior to penetration, I’d lose my erection. It’s most likely just general anxiety…it was for me, anyway.

I knew I was fine, physically…fapped all the time, so I knew all the plumbing worked. Just couldn’t do it in front of her for some reason.

Anyway…we were fooling around one day and she gave me a handjob…kept going til i finished. I was fine after that. I think it was a matter of busting a nut in front of another human being (a real, live girl!!) that was causing me to be so anxious.

I never had a problem after that. We did the full deed later that same night. Perhaps the same will work for you. Good luck.

[/quote]

Okay man, thanks for the input.


#11

Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.


#12

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.

[/quote]

Do you subscribe to the idea that most humans are bisexual?


#13

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.

[/quote]

Do you subscribe to the idea that most humans are bisexual? [/quote]

Short answer, no.

Long answer, no.

How do you define bisexual? By the way people self-identify? By past sexual encounters? By sexual attraction only? By romantic attraction?

fwiw, I do believe that there’s a small but significant portion of the population who are what I would call “bisexual but heteroamorous”. In other words, they may be able to have same sex sexual encounters but get the emotional security needed for a romantic relationship from the opposite sex. Situational homosexuality would fall into this group (men in prison, girls in college, Green Bay Packer’s locker room, etc…)

I also believe that women’s sexuality is more fluid than men’s. I read about a study once where they looked at sexual identity and testosterone levels. High test levels in men was very polarizing: the guys were either very gay or very straight. However, high test levels in women moved them towards bisexuality.

So, to say that most people are bisexual, if by bisexual you mean open to having a relationship with the same sex doesn’t jibe with my experience.

I find the whole topic interesting because it’s something I’ve always taken for granted. The idea that some would need to figure out their sexuality is very foreign to me.


#14

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.

[/quote]

Do you subscribe to the idea that most humans are bisexual? [/quote]

Short answer, no.

Long answer, no.

How do you define bisexual? By the way people self-identify? By past sexual encounters? By sexual attraction only? By romantic attraction?

fwiw, I do believe that there’s a small but significant portion of the population who are what I would call “bisexual but heteroamorous”. In other words, they may be able to have same sex sexual encounters but get the emotional security needed for a romantic relationship from the opposite sex. Situational homosexuality would fall into this group (men in prison, girls in college, Green Bay Packer’s locker room, etc…)

I also believe that women’s sexuality is more fluid than men’s. I read about a study once where they looked at sexual identity and testosterone levels. High test levels in men was very polarizing: the guys were either very gay or very straight. However, high test levels in women moved them towards bisexuality.

So, to say that most people are bisexual, if by bisexual you mean open to having a relationship with the same sex doesn’t jibe with my experience.

I find the whole topic interesting because it’s something I’ve always taken for granted. The idea that some would need to figure out their sexuality is very foreign to me.

[/quote]

Fluid huh? If I was to say that no one, man or woman is bi or gay only unsound of mind that would be a political and world issue so that’s not something I’m necessarily saying. Just putting that out there.


#15

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.

[/quote]

Do you subscribe to the idea that most humans are bisexual? [/quote]

Short answer, no.

Long answer, no.

How do you define bisexual? By the way people self-identify? By past sexual encounters? By sexual attraction only? By romantic attraction?

fwiw, I do believe that there’s a small but significant portion of the population who are what I would call “bisexual but heteroamorous”. In other words, they may be able to have same sex sexual encounters but get the emotional security needed for a romantic relationship from the opposite sex. Situational homosexuality would fall into this group (men in prison, girls in college, Green Bay Packer’s locker room, etc…)

I also believe that women’s sexuality is more fluid than men’s. I read about a study once where they looked at sexual identity and testosterone levels. High test levels in men was very polarizing: the guys were either very gay or very straight. However, high test levels in women moved them towards bisexuality.

So, to say that most people are bisexual, if by bisexual you mean open to having a relationship with the same sex doesn’t jibe with my experience.

I find the whole topic interesting because it’s something I’ve always taken for granted. The idea that some would need to figure out their sexuality is very foreign to me.

[/quote]

Fluid huh? If I was to say that no one, man or woman is bi or gay only unsound of mind that would be a political and world issue so that’s not something I’m necessarily saying. Just putting that out there.
[/quote]

Are all the other species which have exclusively gay animals who clearly have same sex gender preferences also mentally unsound or is homosexuality part of natural diversity?


#16

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Maybe you’re gay. Have you tried hooking up with a guy to see if you go flaccid before intercourse?

The fact that it’s now happened with two girls would point to an internally conflicted sexuality.

[/quote]

Do you subscribe to the idea that most humans are bisexual? [/quote]

Short answer, no.

Long answer, no.

How do you define bisexual? By the way people self-identify? By past sexual encounters? By sexual attraction only? By romantic attraction?

fwiw, I do believe that there’s a small but significant portion of the population who are what I would call “bisexual but heteroamorous”. In other words, they may be able to have same sex sexual encounters but get the emotional security needed for a romantic relationship from the opposite sex. Situational homosexuality would fall into this group (men in prison, girls in college, Green Bay Packer’s locker room, etc…)

I also believe that women’s sexuality is more fluid than men’s. I read about a study once where they looked at sexual identity and testosterone levels. High test levels in men was very polarizing: the guys were either very gay or very straight. However, high test levels in women moved them towards bisexuality.

So, to say that most people are bisexual, if by bisexual you mean open to having a relationship with the same sex doesn’t jibe with my experience.

I find the whole topic interesting because it’s something I’ve always taken for granted. The idea that some would need to figure out their sexuality is very foreign to me.

[/quote]

I was just curious what you thought on the matter. It seems homosexuality was deemed as natural and enjoyable by most societies until the invention of monotheistic religion like christianity, Judaism, Islam etc.
It seems the reason, at least in my mind, that women are more open to bisexuality in contemporary society is because of the cultural impact of the monotheistic religious doctrine. Men are far more stigmatised for enjoying sex with other men because of the negative connotations that our culture has historically placed upon the act.

In ancient cultures being gay did not detract from your ability as a warrior or to serve as one, nor did it make people question your manhood, your mental health or morality. It seems like we all, including me are held back from even understanding our attractions to other men by culturally reinforced prejudice against it.

I always liked the quote:

“I know this is difficult to comprehend but most of the 300 Greeks who fought at Thermopylae were homosexuals. The problem with that is that for those that were not they probably didnt have battle buddies”


#17

[quote]
In ancient cultures being gay did not detract from your ability as a warrior or to serve as one, nor did it make people question your manhood, your mental health or morality. It seems like we all, including me are held back from even understanding our attractions to other men by culturally reinforced prejudice against it.

I always liked the quote:

“I know this is difficult to comprehend but most of the 300 Greeks who fought at Thermopylae were homosexuals. The problem with that is that for those that were not they probably didnt have battle buddies”[/quote]

This doesn’t agree with my understanding of sexuality in ancient Greece and Rome. While there may not have been distinctions between gay and straight, there were certainly distinctions between the dominant, masculine giver and the passive, feminine receiver.

The Greeks at Thermopylae most likely didn’t have battle buddies as they they would never allow themselves the loss of status accorded with bottoming.

Warriors were the pitchers. The young, prostitutes, and women were the catchers.

Lastly, the idea that culture somehow plays a significant role in men understanding their sexuality is over-stated. A vast majority of people don’t need to “understand” their sexuality any more than they need to “understand” their handedness. Or their eye color. Or shoe size.

But I have a lot of compassion for those who do struggle because society certainly doesn’t make it easy.


#18

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

I was just curious what you thought on the matter. It seems homosexuality was deemed as natural and enjoyable by most societies until the invention of monotheistic religion like christianity, Judaism, Islam etc.
It seems the reason, at least in my mind, that women are more open to bisexuality in contemporary society is because of the cultural impact of the monotheistic religious doctrine. Men are far more stigmatised for enjoying sex with other men because of the negative connotations that our culture has historically placed upon the act.

In ancient cultures being gay did not detract from your ability as a warrior or to serve as one, nor did it make people question your manhood, your mental health or morality. It seems like we all, including me are held back from even understanding our attractions to other men by culturally reinforced prejudice against it.

I always liked the quote:

“I know this is difficult to comprehend but most of the 300 Greeks who fought at Thermopylae were homosexuals. The problem with that is that for those that were not they probably didnt have battle buddies”[/quote]

Serious question: What societies are you referring to other than the Greeks and Romans when you say “most societies before the invention of monotheistic religion?”

Homosexuality in ancient Greece consisted in large part of men having sex with boys and adolescents. Is that natural too? Does being natural make something good?

Most pre-monotheistic religion societies condoned slavery. Is that natural? Is that good?


#19

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

“I know this is difficult to comprehend but most of the 300 Greeks who fought at Thermopylae were homosexuals. The problem with that is that for those that were not they probably didnt have battle buddies”[/quote]

It might be closer to the mark to say they were more bisexual. Each of them had a wife and at least one male child. But without having a chance to talk to any of them its a bit hard to say for sure.

Still…

The Spartans were known as a religious lot. One of the most important events on their religious calendar was the Hyacinthea. A celebration of Apollo’s young mortal human male lover. So clearly their religion had no problems with sexuality.

Advance to the Peloponnesian war 430 - 403BC and one of the great characters was the Athenian General Alcibiades. He can best be described as the most charismatic bed hopping turncoat of all time. He was a lover of Socrates, bedded one of the queens of the Spartans and eventually dies in the arms of his favourite female lover. What a guy!

At the battle of Leutra 374BC the Thebans gave most of the credit to the force that destroyed the Spartans to ‘The Sacred Band’. This was a group of 300 homosexual men (yes the number was deliberately chosen). Each man had a lover in this group. They were probably wrong to say this, but the fact it was said is telling.

And of course who could forget Phillip the second of Macedon. Seven official wives. Countless female conquests to such an extent that Alexander once quipped
that he never had to worry about a mutiny from his men as most of them thought they were his half brothers. And eventually Phillip is assassinated by one of his male lovers.

Sexuality throughout history is just weird…but a lot of fun.


#20

[quote]Silyak wrote:

[quote]YamatoDamashii92 wrote:

I was just curious what you thought on the matter. It seems homosexuality was deemed as natural and enjoyable by most societies until the invention of monotheistic religion like christianity, Judaism, Islam etc.
It seems the reason, at least in my mind, that women are more open to bisexuality in contemporary society is because of the cultural impact of the monotheistic religious doctrine. Men are far more stigmatised for enjoying sex with other men because of the negative connotations that our culture has historically placed upon the act.

In ancient cultures being gay did not detract from your ability as a warrior or to serve as one, nor did it make people question your manhood, your mental health or morality. It seems like we all, including me are held back from even understanding our attractions to other men by culturally reinforced prejudice against it.

I always liked the quote:

“I know this is difficult to comprehend but most of the 300 Greeks who fought at Thermopylae were homosexuals. The problem with that is that for those that were not they probably didnt have battle buddies”[/quote]

Serious question: What societies are you referring to other than the Greeks and Romans when you say “most societies before the invention of monotheistic religion?”

Homosexuality in ancient Greece consisted in large part of men having sex with boys and adolescents. Is that natural too? Does being natural make something good?

Most pre-monotheistic religion societies condoned slavery. Is that natural? Is that good? [/quote]

Yes pedophilia is natural. It occurs naturally in every society and every species. The difference is it harms other people. Our morality which is a byproduct of evolution (aka the selfish gene, mutual aid, reciprocal altruism) dictates that we create laws against natural phenomena for the overall good of humanity. An obvious example is laws against murder, the most natural act imaginable.

As for slavery of course it is natural, everything in the universe is natural. However gay love and gay sex don’t harm others or remove the man made rights we have implemented. Which distinguishes homosexuality from pedophilia, rape and and slavery.