T Nation

10 Things I Hate About Bodybuilding

  1. Just because you’re in a bodybuilding gym, it does not give you the right to make noises that resemble being gang raped in the prison shower, as you bench your 120lbs.

2. Scrawney bastards that claim they can bench 300lbs, whilst never ever witnessing them step into any gym.

3. Having to explain why i'm eating so often (relatives, friends of friends etc...). Having to hear why they eat less than me and look the way they do.

4. Being asked by some 17yr old if i'm using gear. (I used to find it a compliment, now it's just fuckin' annoying).

5. Having to be more polite than I used to be just so that I don't conform to a stereotypical meathead. Hey! I was an asshole before, let me continue to be an asshole now!!

6. Losing the cheek bones, and gaining an extra chin during your mass gain stage. Overall, feeling like a fat B*stard...being the same person you despise when walking past Wendy's.

7. Having to explain that looking chubbier is only temporary. This includes having to conduct a science lecture (to people that ask) on why gaining some fat is an inevitable part of gaining muscle.

8. Having people tell me that what i'm doing is anything but natural, and that putting your body through all that stress is unhealthy.

9. Having your meal times strategically planned, only to have it screwed up by the line, 'Hey, let's all stay over at David's house' (you know, the person who lives in the middle of nowhere, with no food in the fridge, and no grocery stores within a 3 mile radius from where he lives).

10. People telling me that if I don't keep on going to the gym, my muscle will instantaneously turn to fat. These are the same people who view going to the gym as a chore, and not a way of life.

Those are just a few peeves that I have to go through on a daily basis. If you guys have anymore, please post it, 'cos I sometimes feel like i'm the only one going through this :(

I always like the “I think it’s gross”, usually muttered by the nastiest looking, most out of shape bitch in the room.

The family wondering when I’m going to settle into a “normal life,” whatever that’s supposed to mean.

DITTO and

11. Idiots with chicken legs giving a dissertation as to why “ass to the floor” is not the correct way to squat.

12. Same assholes as #11 giving all kinds of unsolicited advice.

13. T-wimps who think because their friend is built that they in some way are built too.

14. The 250lb, 5’5" @ 30%, guy who has been bulking for the past 12 years.

15. The 135lb, 6’2" who has been cutting for the past 12 years.

16. The gym “in” crowd who consist of #'s 11, 13, 14 & 15.

That’s all I can stands for now. Croooz

##. Those who assume you have or will eventually turn to steroids because you do what you do.

You forgot to mention a group of the “in crowd” at the gym. The guys that are on bucketloads of gear but that have no clue about training allways trying to give you bad advice and expecting you to respect it because they are bigger than you. They also advize me to go on gear or I will never get the results I want, then offer to sell me some.

I totally hate the hideous bitch that tells you she thinks muscular guys are gross. Guess what honey, we think you are too. I’ll just have to go home with the hot chick from the gym with the killer body who appreciates someone who works out instead of your fat ass.

Right on bro. How many times can you possibly explain why youre eating that big ass steak in the morning, or why you won't get mcdonalds with the rest of your co-workers, without going so goddamn fuckin nuts thatyou just blow up and scream 'Just because I wanna, u fat ass!!!!!!!' I mean come on now. I'm all for keeping your character and all, but enough is enough. I can't possibly count how many times my coworkers have asked me why do i eat so much- even when I repeat myself time after time like a scratched record why I do it. An hour later they're bugging me again, except this time they're asking why in the heck am i so 'svelte' and buff, and they're just fat bastards - Can you possibly not make a connection between the eating, and the svelteness? It's just 2 plus 2. These people are engineers, they make nuclear reactors for a living - you'd think they'd have some common sense left. 
 Sorry to disapoint you TC and Shugart - I'm all for just ignoring and not get bent about little stuff, but enoough is enough. Think of it as litle tiny forest bugs. One bites you and you think 'ok,i can live with that.' Then U get swarmed by bugs by he hundreds and thousands- then you flip. You do your 'killing the bug dance', but there are millions of bugs that just keep on comin at you just because they wanna take a biite at you. Only this time there's no bug repellant. Is there? Does anybody know how to get rid of these pesky parasites once and for all? Maybe I should invest in a  t-shirt, and a jacket with the printing 'If you ask about my lunch one more time Ill kill you'. 
 Pheeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
 I should Hire a bodyguard just to handle my 'are you eating again?'incidents. 

That was hilarious!!!

Speaking of chicken legs, have you guys ever wondered how that can be? I mean, they look like spongebob squarepants. They have this huge block upper body, and these skinny legs. How is this even physically possible? I mean, how do their legs connect to their torso's?

Just to add on to Croooz #13, How many times have you heard a conversation started with
“I know this Guy, swear he is as big, if not a little bigger than you” followed by some impressive (If not exaggerated) feat of streagth. Like seated behind the neck military press with 405 pounds…for reps.

 14. The 250lb, 5'5" @ 30%, guy who has been bulking for the past 12 years.<p> 

 Your The typical fat bastard who eyeballs you with that 'you wanna dance bitch?' every time you go on on a cutting cycle.
 They're everywhere. There's always 2 or 3 in every gym. They've been bulking for as long as they can recall, and as such speak lie someone just walked up to them and knighted them the royal authority on weight training  and bodybuilding matters. 
 They dont seem to ever squat because they shot their knees.
 They cant sit down without having a near-epileptic asthma attack, their eyes popping out, and their guts engulf their whole lower body to the point you start wondering wether they're vertebrate organisms or wether the toilet fairy just paid your local bench a visit.
 They've been using the same 3 plates on each side of the barbell for 2 or 3 reps when they do chest press forever and, for just about as long they've been walking around with their arms sticking out because thir guts wont allow them to return to a normal position - all while giving out 'invaluable'advice that nobody asked for. 
 The fat guys. Not to be cofused with legitimate powerlifters  (we wouldnt that now would we...)

I like Diesel’s idea for a shirt. How 'bout it, Biotest?

The person who, after you’ve explained what an isocaloric diet is, says, “But isn’t all that fat bad for you?”

The pudgy pharmacist who tells you that eating six times a day isn’t good for you and that you should stop right now.

Your friends who you really really really like, but who as you get older get fatter, softer and age faster than you do, so that you start thinking about what’s going to happen down the line another decade or two, when you’re still alive and physiologically young and having fun and they’re either dead or functionally incapacitated and you’re going to have to spend a lot of depressing time visiting them in the hospital.

As I get older, I think about that last one a LOT.

 That 'YOU' at the beginning was a complete mistake. In no way am I implying you're the fat guy [sitting sideways on the bench, while trying to keep his gut under control lest somebody die from an earthquake - all while eyeballing the girl on the opposite side of the gym with that 'come hither'look and...uh...oh...nevermind....hehe

I’m with on #9 brother.

Chicken legs…LOL…one of our NCO’s is that guy to a T, and he’s like worshipped as some strength and conditioning god cause he’s got a large upper body. Like somebody said, he’s spongebob man. What’s my strategy to dodge all that…I work out at 8pm after all the pencil necks and other vermin are done for the day with a couple other likeminded individuals. Before i came into the USCG i used to work out at a powerlifting/olympic lifting gym called max’s iron den. the place was a real hole, but the pencil necks kept their traps shut and you were left alone for the most part, except for this one fat ass who wouldn’s shut up about critisizing everyone’s technique. Fourtunately he was ridiculed on the gym bulletin board all the time(my favorite was when they put up a pic of Cheryl Ann Haworth, drew a moustache on her and wrote the guys name on it).

People who leave their water bottle and towel on a bench and still expect it vacant when they return after an hour of performing barbell curls in the squat rack.

Cardio.

The guy this morning who was curling in the squat rack, grunting and yelling like a madman, doing 9, count em, 9 sets of curls with 95 lbs, with a belt, doing hip thrusts so hard he was on tip toes for half the movement, then leaves the weight on the bar. Oh dont get me wrong, its not him that bothers me, it was the personal trainer who was training him that deserves the blame.

Agree with Lowriders #1 - There are 2 main ways to impress in the gym. Either by how much you lift or the way that you look. People who give a loud, lengthy, emotional accounts of how hard they consider (and want you to think) themselves to be working are a waste of space and a gym pollutant.

Also…

A1.People who spend AGES scowling at themselves and striking poses in the mirror whilst sitting on the only bench press in the gym and become aggressive if you even hint that it might be nice to allow others to work in so that we can all finish our workouts while we are still young.

People who suffer from TC’s aptly named ‘figure mortis’ - the condition where the arms are permanently held out at 45 degrees that arises from having much bigger lats in their mind’s eye than reality would suggest…

I call that ILS - Imaginary Lat Syndrome.