T Nation

10 Men vs 1 Wild Chimp


At first the chimp would be like:

Don’t forget the #10, please.


And then he’d be all:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Chimpanzees do not punch, they strike with their forearms. Those forearms are as strong and as hard as the shins and calves of a heavyweight Muay Thai boxer. Their grip strength is unreal, as one might expect in an animal that climbs trees every day, and enormous tricep and deltoid development from walking on their knuckles. Their muscles are made of strong, linear fibers much closer to the bone, and much denser and stronger than in humans. They also have 2-inch long, sharp canine teeth and are fond of biting genitals and faces off.

So. A combination of Georges St. Pierre and a pit bull. On about 800mg of test cyp.

Yeah. Most guys on T-Nation could take a chimp. No problem. [/quote]
You have to much time on your hands to know all this

[quote]chobbs wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Chimpanzees do not punch, they strike with their forearms. Those forearms are as strong and as hard as the shins and calves of a heavyweight Muay Thai boxer. Their grip strength is unreal, as one might expect in an animal that climbs trees every day, and enormous tricep and deltoid development from walking on their knuckles. Their muscles are made of strong, linear fibers much closer to the bone, and much denser and stronger than in humans. They also have 2-inch long, sharp canine teeth and are fond of biting genitals and faces off.

So. A combination of Georges St. Pierre and a pit bull. On about 800mg of test cyp.

Yeah. Most guys on T-Nation could take a chimp. No problem. [/quote]
You have to much time on your hands to know all this[/quote]
That’s not that much information. I already knew all of this although I think the latter description is off base.

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
At first the chimp would be like:[/quote]
That could very likely be a threat already.

[quote]chobbs wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Chimpanzees do not punch, they strike with their forearms. Those forearms are as strong and as hard as the shins and calves of a heavyweight Muay Thai boxer. Their grip strength is unreal, as one might expect in an animal that climbs trees every day, and enormous tricep and deltoid development from walking on their knuckles. Their muscles are made of strong, linear fibers much closer to the bone, and much denser and stronger than in humans. They also have 2-inch long, sharp canine teeth and are fond of biting genitals and faces off.

So. A combination of Georges St. Pierre and a pit bull. On about 800mg of test cyp.

Yeah. Most guys on T-Nation could take a chimp. No problem. [/quote]
You have to much time on your hands to know all this[/quote]

Do you know anything about professional football?

I don’t.

I know other stuff instead.

Frankly, I think you guys overestimate chimps. They’re tough, sure, but they’re small and only about as strong as a full grown man. They’ve also got teeth. That’s it. That’s nothing to sneeze at, but still, that’s it.

Could you take a hairy bodybuilding midget going off on a roid-rage? Then you’ve got a good shot at taking a chimp, just watch the teeth. The bulk of us in here are as strong, if not stronger, than a chimp. If not one, then definitely any two of us could do the job.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
At first the chimp would be like:[/quote]
That could very likely be a threat already.[/quote]

Of course it is. Clear threat display, but the dumb human would think he was smiling, and drop his guard.

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Do you know anything about professional football?

I don’t.

I know other stuff instead. [/quote]

The more you type, the more I worry we may just have a lot in common. I don’t know whether to be concerned or excited. Regardless, its rather intriguing.

[quote]RyuuKyuzo wrote:
Frankly, I think you guys overestimate chimps. They’re tough, sure, but they’re small and only about as strong as a full grown man. They’ve also got teeth. That’s it. That’s nothing to sneeze at, but still, that’s it.

Could you take a hairy bodybuilding midget going off on a roid-rage? Then you’ve got a good shot at taking a chimp, just watch the teeth. The bulk of us in here are as strong, if not stronger, than a chimp.
[/quote]
Inaccurate.

Definitely possible, but it’s not a guarantee.

The more important question, is who is going to be the unlucky one or two people that bear the brunt of the abuse/onslaught while the others dismantle the target?

Will they draw straws, or just kick someone towards the chimp and let the mauling begin before the group counter attacks?

Ryuu, sorry, mate, but this time you’re just wrong.

Much higher muscle density, different muscle composition, wider muscle attachments, stronger tendons, and most importantly greater CNS activation and higher testosterone.

PLUS the coarse hair, which would prevent injury, plus the thicker skull, which would minimize cerebral trauma, PLUS the big ass teeth that will chew your face and nuts off.

Avoid the teeth. Sure. Avoid the teeth of a pit bull that can grab hold of you with his hands and feet. Let me know how that works out for you.

Yes, the old “chimps are five times as strong as humans” line is probably an exaggeration. But the fact remains that a female chimp in captivity could pull 850 pounds on a dynamometer, one handed. How do you stack up?

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Yes, the old “chimps are five times as strong as humans” line is probably an exaggeration. But the fact remains that a female chimp in captivity could pull 850 pounds on a dynamometer, one handed. How do you stack up?[/quote]
If I’m not mistaken, that was also a rather large female, right?

So back the OP 10 guys and lets say the smallest is 200lbs. I think the humans would have a fair shot but the chimp would still kill a few and rip off some limbs.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Yes, the old “chimps are five times as strong as humans” line is probably an exaggeration. But the fact remains that a female chimp in captivity could pull 850 pounds on a dynamometer, one handed. How do you stack up?[/quote]
If I’m not mistaken, that was also a rather large female, right?[/quote]

It was also debunked 20 years later.

depends on the chimp. srsly.

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
So back the OP 10 guys and lets say the smallest is 200lbs. I think the humans would have a fair shot but the chimp would still kill a few and rip off some limbs.[/quote]
It all depends on their approach. There’s still room for strategy especially with those numbers.

[quote]RyuuKyuzo wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Yes, the old “chimps are five times as strong as humans” line is probably an exaggeration. But the fact remains that a female chimp in captivity could pull 850 pounds on a dynamometer, one handed. How do you stack up?[/quote]
If I’m not mistaken, that was also a rather large female, right?[/quote]

It was also debunked 20 years later.[/quote]
I recall reading of a female dragging a 900lb log (or something like that) offhand. I’m not sure if that’s the same or not.

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Ryuu, sorry, mate, but this time you’re just wrong.

Much higher muscle density, different muscle composition, wider muscle attachments, stronger tendons, and most importantly greater CNS activation and higher testosterone.

PLUS the coarse hair, which would prevent injury, plus the thicker skull, which would minimize cerebral trauma, PLUS the big ass teeth that will chew your face and nuts off.

Avoid the teeth. Sure. Avoid the teeth of a pit bull that can grab hold of you with his hands and feet. Let me know how that works out for you.

Yes, the old “chimps are five times as strong as humans” line is probably an exaggeration. But the fact remains that a female chimp in captivity could pull 850 pounds on a dynamometer, one handed. How do you stack up?[/quote]

Again, all that and they’re still only about as strong as a full grown man. And sure, hair protects them, but it’s also something we could grab onto.

You’ve got a point about the thicker skull though. They also have an inch or so thick layer of muscle covering most of their head, while we’ve got fuck all.

Give the midget a helmet and big-ass canines then. I’d still bet on the big ass powerlifter over the chimp.

Another thing to consider is that chimps suck ass at fighting. They really do. They don’t as often as you might think; mostly it’s shrieking and ripping foliage out of the ground. Other than that chimps really only pick fights when they have stronger numbers. If you watch chimps fighting, there’s no technique to it. They just go nuts and thrash their arms at each other. we already know this is an inferior fighting method. We have techniques allowing smaller guys to take on much, much larger humans, while in the chimp world, the bigger chimp nearly always wins because it’s just a bunch of angry thrashing.

Someone brought up the raccoon before. Look, if you fought a raccoon you’d get cut all to hell, but you could murder the fuck out of a raccoon if need be. It’s like you people think humans lack a “fight or flight” response. We can chimp-out too.

So, chimp-out to chimp-out, I’d put my money on the bigger and stronger ape. He’ll almost surely get the shit bitten out of him, but what’s the chimp going to do? Magically learn ju-jitsu so he can take a larger opponent?