1: Don’t lift weights at the rack right infront of the mirror. Take theweight to a bench or somewhere on the mat and lift there. Never block the rack and lift 12" away from the mirror.
2: You can’t reserve benches or seats. One? If you’re working out on it, and getting a weight, fine. Otherwise STFU. Superset? Not while you are talking you’re not. Quit yappin and start pushin.
3: Finished with a machine or bench? Wipe it down! Regardless how sexy you think you look, nobody wants to touch your sweat.
4: If you’re working out with light weights, stay in that section. Don’t come over to the heavy section and workout. Got a 45 pound dumbell? Lift it in that section, don’t walk over to the 125s and do it here. Those men suffered a long time to get to that section. It’s about rank. If there are no other benches, then it’s perfectly normal to walk over to the heavy section. NEVER leave your weights under or infront of the bench. Especially if you are in the heavy section. They will tell you to rack your weights.
5: Get a 55 pound weight? Don’t put it in the 75 pound section. PUT IT RIGHT BACK WHERE IT BELONGS! Even if you got it from the 75 section.
6: If you’re waiting for a treadmill or other cardio equipment and somewon was obviouslly there before you, don’t take the next machine because it’s close to you.
7: If you have signs, logos, words, etc. on your ass or on your chest you cannot get mad when people stare at it. You cannot put the word ‘sexy’ on your ass, chest, forehead and not expect men to look at it. While understanding completely that this was done for attention, you cannot get mad
when it’s not the attention from the audience you desired.
8: Ipod? Walkman? 99cents store MP3? They’re great, I love’em. DON’T SING while on cardio equipment. You love Barbara Striseand, I want to punch her. You sing it, I think you are her and then I’m back in prison for violating probation. DON’T SING!
9: Is it really necessary to walk around naked? Sure, we’re all men, but to me it’s toally gay when a naked man walks around the locker room and makes conversations. Can we talk in the locker room? Of course! Those are some of life’s greatest conversations. But, when one man is naked, you don’t look at him. You continue to dress or do what you’re doing.
9A: I blow dry my hair naked. AT HOME! If you want to blow dry your hair, put a friggin towel on and don’t talk to me! I don’t like to talk to naked men. I don’t even like to talk to naked women. When I go to a strip bar and she starts to talk to me, I blurt out “Hunny, if I wanted conversation I’d go to my wife. Shuddap & shake it”
10: Conversations. Wanna talk? Fine. If you are on cardio equipment, you cannot talk to a person one or three machines over. You can ask a question, but you can’t carry a conversation. UNLESS! It’s the person right next to you.
10A: Conversations in the weight section. Wanna tawk? Fine, tawk but don’t reserve a machine while you gab. If I want to use a bench, you can’t say “Sorry pal, I’m using it.” Then continue a 10 minute conversation.
11: Personal Trainers are the antichrist.
12: If you run the juice bar, GET RID OF THE SNICKERS! I swear, I passed by the juice bar and I seen a snickers. WTF! You can’t sell those. Well you can, but for like $25 each.
13: What is it with chicks and spinning classes?
14: Makeup. If it’s 5PM and you are at the gym with makeup, hey totally understandable. You were at work, got all dolled up for the boss and now you came to work out. Fine. BUT! If you work out in the early morning, WHY DO YOU NEED MAKE UP? Please explain this to me. Are you that insecure? Are you that much of a headcase? You are at the gym in the morning. Getting sweatty and you insist on putting on makeup? Retard.
15: Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for. Please?
16: Fat people should not write rules for a gym. For a Burger King? King Taco? In-N-Out Burger? Fine, but not for a gym.