T Nation

10 Golden Rules For the Gym


1: Don’t lift weights at the rack right infront of the mirror. Take theweight to a bench or somewhere on the mat and lift there. Never block the rack and lift 12" away from the mirror.

2: You can’t reserve benches or seats. One? If you’re working out on it, and getting a weight, fine. Otherwise STFU. Superset? Not while you are talking you’re not. Quit yappin and start pushin.

3: Finished with a machine or bench? Wipe it down! Regardless how sexy you think you look, nobody wants to touch your sweat.

4: If you’re working out with light weights, stay in that section. Don’t come over to the heavy section and workout. Got a 45 pound dumbell? Lift it in that section, don’t walk over to the 125s and do it here. Those men suffered a long time to get to that section. It’s about rank. If there are no other benches, then it’s perfectly normal to walk over to the heavy section. NEVER leave your weights under or infront of the bench. Especially if you are in the heavy section. They will tell you to rack your weights.

5: Get a 55 pound weight? Don’t put it in the 75 pound section. PUT IT RIGHT BACK WHERE IT BELONGS! Even if you got it from the 75 section.

6: If you’re waiting for a treadmill or other cardio equipment and somewon was obviouslly there before you, don’t take the next machine because it’s close to you.

7: If you have signs, logos, words, etc. on your ass or on your chest you cannot get mad when people stare at it. You cannot put the word ‘sexy’ on your ass, chest, forehead and not expect men to look at it. While understanding completely that this was done for attention, you cannot get mad
when it’s not the attention from the audience you desired.

8: Ipod? Walkman? 99cents store MP3? They’re great, I love’em. DON’T SING while on cardio equipment. You love Barbara Striseand, I want to punch her. You sing it, I think you are her and then I’m back in prison for violating probation. DON’T SING!

9: Is it really necessary to walk around naked? Sure, we’re all men, but to me it’s toally gay when a naked man walks around the locker room and makes conversations. Can we talk in the locker room? Of course! Those are some of life’s greatest conversations. But, when one man is naked, you don’t look at him. You continue to dress or do what you’re doing.

9A: I blow dry my hair naked. AT HOME! If you want to blow dry your hair, put a friggin towel on and don’t talk to me! I don’t like to talk to naked men. I don’t even like to talk to naked women. When I go to a strip bar and she starts to talk to me, I blurt out “Hunny, if I wanted conversation I’d go to my wife. Shuddap & shake it”

10: Conversations. Wanna talk? Fine. If you are on cardio equipment, you cannot talk to a person one or three machines over. You can ask a question, but you can’t carry a conversation. UNLESS! It’s the person right next to you.

10A: Conversations in the weight section. Wanna tawk? Fine, tawk but don’t reserve a machine while you gab. If I want to use a bench, you can’t say “Sorry pal, I’m using it.” Then continue a 10 minute conversation.

11: Personal Trainers are the antichrist.

12: If you run the juice bar, GET RID OF THE SNICKERS! I swear, I passed by the juice bar and I seen a snickers. WTF! You can’t sell those. Well you can, but for like $25 each.

13: What is it with chicks and spinning classes?

14: Makeup. If it’s 5PM and you are at the gym with makeup, hey totally understandable. You were at work, got all dolled up for the boss and now you came to work out. Fine. BUT! If you work out in the early morning, WHY DO YOU NEED MAKE UP? Please explain this to me. Are you that insecure? Are you that much of a headcase? You are at the gym in the morning. Getting sweatty and you insist on putting on makeup? Retard.

15: Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for. Please?

16: Fat people should not write rules for a gym. For a Burger King? King Taco? In-N-Out Burger? Fine, but not for a gym.

I’m glad to hear from you again and I look forward to reading up on your progress. You sure are a funny mf. I hope that this online community can continue to be an inspiration to you, and it would sure be nice for you to be a success story that someday will inspire others.

Don’t forget lucky rule #13, DON’T CURL IN THE SQUAT RACK!

How are you feeling? Knees and back alright? I’ve been doing this for a little while, and it doesn’t get easier, but I don’t hurt as long after.

Remember, slow and steady wins the race.

I agree with all of these rules.Especially the curls in the squat rack.I saw three guys in the gym the other day doing concentration curls in the squat rack.WTF!

combatmedic, minor pain. Pain that I haven’t felt in years. Sore muscles, but amazingly joints are OK. I took the weight down consideribly to get more reps in. In a month or so, I’ll try to go heavy again. Right now, the movements still feel strange.

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I really don’t give a shit if somebody ‘wipes down’ a bench when they are done with it. I’m there to get sweaty and smell bad, what do i care if some guy left a little ‘moisture ghost’ of himself on the incline bench or wherever…

I agree with almost everything, and luckily haven’t had to deal with a lot of the crap you mention (like people reserving benches, etc). Of course, I have dealt with the morons curling right in front of the dumbbell rack. Bastards.

Its funny, because I usually go to my gym at the busiest time of day (around 6pm) and I’ll be lucky to find a parking place. When I get in there, its like a zoo, but my squat racks are always empty! Unless someone is doing curls, and then I just rip off their head and shit down their neck (or, sometimes I poke their eyes out and skull-fuck them).

However, what’s with the naked man phobia? Its a locker room. Are you honestly uncomfortable talking to a naked man? He’s got a dick, you’ve got a dick. Okay. You don’t have to stare at it. I’m not attacking you personally, because I know its a common opinion, it just surprises me how most people feel about nudity.

Love it…specially the one bout putting the weights away…wayy too many ‘tough guys’ seem to think that they need all this weight but when it comes to putting it back, all the energy seems to go away

I like to think of it this way
if you’re strong enough to lift the weight your damn well strong enough to put it away

Ok, This can be rule # what ever. Do not leave your fucking towel on a bench or a piece of equipment if you are not comeing back. Now because you are to lazy to pick up after yourself I confused your towl with my towel. And just wiped my face with your towel. Take all of your shit with you. Especially your towel.

Sorry, This just kind of happend to me yesterday. Someones towel was right were I leave mine on the cable machine when I do tries. I had just finished a set and grabed the towel and wiped my face with it when my partner said, “Hey dumb ass thats not your towel.”

I looked and sure enough on the ground right next to our book of weight as we like to call it, was my towel. He brought it up again this morning. I think I will have to hear about this for some time.


wrt your last one bro: what are the BK rules? it’s been a while for me…

keep the work up bro,

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[quote]swordthrower wrote:
However, what’s with the naked man phobia? Its a locker room. Are you honestly uncomfortable talking to a naked man? He’s got a dick, you’ve got a dick. Okay. You don’t have to stare at it.[/quote]

But what if you’re sitting on the bench while he stands 3 feet away, dick aimed at your face? Towel, please!

I can’t even watch other people in that situation, it looks so damn brokeback, even as a bystander.

Especially if you’re at just the right angle from them, and close one eye… Lol, his dick is in the other dudes mouth! Ok, maybe I have problems.

[quote]Lunchmeataphobia wrote:
wrt your last one bro: what are the BK rules? it’s been a while for me…

Just be nice to the Burger King employees, their life sucks hard enough already. Half will probably die by age 30 with grease-lung, like proud and stoic coal miners of a bygone era - lubricating the foundation of our American service economy with their own blood, sweat and tears.

Though, I’m not one to mess with a crackhead anyways.

[quote]pushharder wrote:
swordthrower wrote:
Of course, I have dealt with the morons curling right in front of the dumbbell rack. Bastards.

ANYBODY oughta be able to figure this one out whether you’re a newbie or not. There is just NO EXCUSE for this AT ALL. Somebody should pick up an EZ Curl bar and take out the knees of the imbeciles that do this.[/quote]

I have seen them do this and get an attitude because you need them to move to either return a weight or to get another one. I usually make the effort blatant enough for them to have to stop lifting in order to move out the way. I make sure I also return the weights exactly right back in front them. I will never wait around holding a weight until they finish a set just so I can return it to the rack. There are just tons of stupid people in the world. The gym just seems to shine a light on them even more.

Goku already touched on this with not leaving a towel on a bench, but being that today is Saturday, the gym is full of people who I don’t normally see because I go late to avoid most people.

There was a guy curling in front of the DB rack (which didn’t bother me too much since I didn’t need to use dumbbells at the time), but he had his BB magazine opened up on the only bench that doesn’t have 10,000 inch padding on it, and the only bench that I use for benching in the power rack (ME Bench day, so I need the pins).

I noticed that he was only using the bench for holding his magazine, and politely asked if I could use that bench. He rips out his headphone ear piece and just looks at me, so I repeat the question. Then the dick rolls his eyes and moves his magazine to another bench and doesn’t say a word.

Point being, don’t be a dick to people just for the sake of being a dick, and don’t lay crap on benches that you aren’t using. Also, don’t bring those gay-ass BB magazines into the gym with you.

If you want to read and educate yourself, fine (though you shouldn’t be reading that crap), but do it on your own time and come to the gym prepared.

If the guy just said “Sure, no problem” or just “yea” without the fucking attitude, and without rolling his eyes, I wouldn’t have been pissed and wouldn’t be bitching about it right now.

Every time I read these threads I become a little more appreciative of my home gym.

[quote]pushharder wrote:
If gyms would discreetly make their ignorant members aware of gym etiquette and enforce at least some of these rules the world would be a happier place.[/quote]

i don’t know…
some are good rules (clean the sweet, don’t curl in the rack, take the db to their plaese, don’t take an equipment if you have not to use it…) but some of the other… they sounds to me a little “too much”…

if someone comes with make up… what the hell? it’s her face :), if someone want to walk naked… hell it’s his body… and so on…

i don’t know… may be it’s just a matter of tollerance

[quote]Kailash wrote:

I can’t even watch other people in that situation, it looks so damn brokeback, even as a bystander.


LOL! You said ‘brokeback.’ He he he.

For the amount of idiots at the gyms, im surprised there arent many fights at gyms, has anyone seen a fight at a gym?