T Nation

_Ucked up by a monekywrench ho


As some of you who've been here for awhile may be aware, I have a crazy X (literally B.P.D.) who has been popping up lately. She came around awhile back telling me she was going to move to West Coast/I was/will always be the abosolute best thing she's ever had in and out of the bedroom. BTW let me emphasize A-L-O-T of talk about in the bedroom (I'm sure you're all shocked). Anyway, despite the chance at sex with the ex, with her "supposedly moving" in a month or so, I didn't hit it.

Well that was a few months ago, and for the most part out of sight out of mind. Then a few nights ago the bitch ambushed me. She came to where I work, while I was high as a giraffe's ass, and started throwing the ass at me. Amazingly I held my composure, and honestly it's probably because I have interests elsewhere. HOWEVER she brought a freind. A curvaceous, tanned skinded, big tited, thick assed, sexy fucking thing just makes me wanna wrap that hair around my hand nice and tight....sorry. Well of course all my freinds at work are throwing Raw-fuck-eyes at her, and trying to get me to hook it up. The X and here sexy ass friend hang around my work (pt delivery) and the X is practically raping me everytime I come back from delivery. Rambling on and on about how good I look, grabbing my ass, flipping her skirt, and then talking about my sexual prowess right in front of her friend with the thick rear end (not sure if it was all part of the conspiracy, but she seemed turned on).

Finally, after being pinned up against the wall (short of tossing her aside) I agreed under all of my rules, that I will make up as I go along.

  1. Her friend has to come with and so does one of my best friends ie. hook em up.

  2. She and I are going to talk, it's not a date, I will not stare at her friends fine ass, but I will look, just as I will look at whatever else I want.

  3. I pick the restaurant (sushi) and it's her treat. Hey, it's only right since she asked me out.

  4. I'm not driving.

Well sure enough I get out the shower and there are 2 young ladies in my driveway. Here's where it goes all wrong. My friend doesn't answer his phone (kid's practically a fucking narcaleptic sp?), and her friend has to "be home" so it's just the two of us. OH JOY! Long story short, dinner was nice and free. I was told I was being an asshole, and finally explained that's how things are going to be with her and I. Then it happened. I honestly thought it wouldn't but...well just listen. We got into her car and she asked me to get a cd from the back seat. I reached back there and her head and dexterious hands darted for my belt and formed suction around ma huang quite quickly. What further ensued there could merely be described and one of the most wicked backside, frontside, slip-and-slide, ripping rides, ass slapping, nut-sac-clapping fuck fests that parking lot has ever seen.

Now I realize this wasn't a great idea but hey... I said friends with benefits is all we are and she agreed. The next day she called and left a message to confirm how much she agreed, and that "I am the greatest". I figure I won't call her for at least 6 days just to reinforce how things are gonna be. Well today she calls telling me she's got a date tonight. I truly don't care but, I think that she's just trying to get me to call. Why else would she bother telling me that? Anyway, it looks like this isn't going to be as simple as I had hoped, but I'm not suprised.

Sure wish my dick had an on/off switch sometimes.


Sounds pretty typical bro! I'm glad to hear it was a good f session, because you're going to pay for it! As far as your "rules". WTF, how come you were going to bring a friend? Duh! 3-some! You knew you were going to be called an asshole at some point anyways, and you knew that you would still be able to hit it if you wanted. Shit, I got a semi just reading about that tanned, fat ass! Anyways, sorry to hear about your hard luck(sarcastic, it's been awhile!) The worst part is even if you don't answer your phone, she WILL show up somewhere if I know the type. Watch your back bro!


No chance of a threesome, she smacked me pretty hard just for mentioning those Big Tit-Ties.


What's your chance of accidentally running into the friend somewhere that the x won't be? No doubt you have already done the calculations.

That on/off switch would be very handy on occasion but I admire your restraint anyway. You nearly got away with it.


Some women are cigarette addicts.
Some women are alcohol addicts.
Some women are dick addicts.

Now you have to deal with a woman who is addict on having sex with you.

(Life`s tough! J/K)

You fed the addiction by going with her alone and accepting anything less than the 3-some.

I hope her friend digs you, otherwise she played you ... but you kinda seemed to wanted to play the game.

Seems you moved on psychologically. Time seems to have frozen for your ex.

No disrespect, but expecting respect, control and disclipine from a sex addict like your ex is fantasy. Also, she seems so addicted that even if you fucked her friend in front of her, she`d just be asking herself one question: when the hell does that bitch get off his dick so I can take her place?

Sorry that sounds stupid, but Im sure thats the way it would happen.





Hope you're right Dannyboy. However, what about the whole "I have a date tonight call"? Furthermore, any advice on how long to not call. I'm thinking no return calls till say friday/ saturday. Should give me adequate amount of time to see if she calls/seeks me out and gives me a ration of shit for doing exactly what I said I was going to do. However, should I rip it again if when everything is cool from now til then?


Explain again why you're gonna call her at all?


Already did it, so why not see if I can add another "Friend" to the roster. BTW she takes it in the face.


She just told you she had a date because she thinks it will make you jealous. The average woman always equates hot sex with emotion and now that you had some she thinks you give a shit.

Don't call her, she won't be able to stand it and she'll call you. Then if she gives you any crap about anything give her herb311's line from your other thread: "Hoe, you are the caboose on my pimp train, if you leave, i will keep right on pimpin".


For such a suave delivery boy, you sure have lots of insecurities about the appropriate times to call women.


What further ensued there could merely be described and one of the most wicked backside, frontside, slip-and-slide, ripping rides, ass slapping, nut-sac-clapping fuck fests that parking lot has ever seen.

LMFAO. That was great. nut-sac-clapping hahahaha!!!


why not give her a call? if shes a good fuck and you made it perfectly clear thats all you want from her its a perfect situation. yeah she might flip out here and there but thats for her to deal with. she might've been calling to make you jealous perhaps? i don't know, women confuse me.

the only thing that would bother me about the whole situation is she might fuck up any future relationships you might try to have because shes crazy and whatnot.


now, everytime your around the one you ARE interested in....your going to be paranoid she is going to mess it up.
And...dont think for a moment she isnt planning on f@#$ing it up for you.
Tell her if she wants some ass to call, not to come to your work.

P.S. The threesome story would have made us guys proud...but an ex after sex...pretty common, no hero in my book.


Gotta love the girls that take "The Money Shot". Wish I could give some useful advice but....I can't.
If you are both cool on the whole fuck buddies thing I say roll with it.